[ Guess that's another trait they share, wanting to believe in somebody who probably doesn't deserve it. At least Reiner had tried to make amends, managed to save some lives in the end. Eren... well. There's no coming back from it. ]
[ And yet when he clings to this odd world and says he doesn't want to go back, doesn't want to have to end the world, Levi can't help but trust his words. ]
[ He thinks about Mikasa, the happiness she's managed to find, and how even knowing she had to kill her own brother to stop his destruction might break her apart, let alone actually having to do it here. ]
...
[ It probably would have to be her, wouldn't it? Levi was in no shape to do it then, but he's better now. Perhaps he could take that burden from her this time, let it be his responsibility, his pain. He'd let her hate him for it if it made things any easier, any more manageable for her at all. But would she let him? Or could she only have peace if she knew Eren died by the hand of family, someone who loves him, and insist of bearing that fate herself again? ]
[ He has no way of knowing that. ]
...I know me saying it doesn't mean much, but I don't think he'd do that to Jean. Or Historia.
[ The others, sure. Eren didn't get to know Gabi; he just thinks of her as the brat who killed Sasha still. Hange... he had all but admitted aloud that knowing about their death wouldn't have changed anything for him. But Jean and Historia did matter, right? They had lived. Same as Armin and Mikasa, perhaps not quite as important, but important nonetheless. But, of course, he can not know how much their survival had been a plan or an accident. At least this would be different from them perishing as collateral somewhere; it would be a personal choice to Eren, one Levi wants to believe he would not make. ]
[ But what does he know, really? Didn't he use to think the same about him killing everyone on the planet? ]
[ Shit just keeps getting more complicated. ]
[ And then there's the whole keeping the future away from Jean and Mikasa thing again, and he frowns. ]
Do you think Reiner would tell them if he knew?
[ Maybe he needs to become the broken down shell of a man so he can build his own self back up better. Maybe that's exactly why he's so much more tolerable in the future, even if Levi isn't interested in ever having him over for tea. ]
[ But he can understand why Gabi doesn't like the idea. It would hurt him, it would hurt him a lot, and who could possibly want to see their loved ones suffer? ]
[ He hopes she can understand in return. ]
...their giant goddamn brain probably could make something of this, huh.
[ It's logical, it's the smart thing to do, but the apprehension is practically climbing up his throat. He tries to force it down, shakes his head, tries again. ]
You're probably onto something. I just--
[ He pinches the bridge of his nose, closes his eyes, exhales. ]
I didn't want them to have to be Commander again.
[ Not after letting themselves believe the struggle for mere survival was finally over. Not after his promise that they could simply live their lives out in this place. Not after he'd seen them come back to their excitable, curious self, that the weight of the Commander's mantle had crushed right out of them for years, not to mention it had been done by Levi's own hand, for better or worse, no matter how much they tell him it wasn't his fault. ]
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[ And yet when he clings to this odd world and says he doesn't want to go back, doesn't want to have to end the world, Levi can't help but trust his words. ]
[ He thinks about Mikasa, the happiness she's managed to find, and how even knowing she had to kill her own brother to stop his destruction might break her apart, let alone actually having to do it here. ]
...
[ It probably would have to be her, wouldn't it? Levi was in no shape to do it then, but he's better now. Perhaps he could take that burden from her this time, let it be his responsibility, his pain. He'd let her hate him for it if it made things any easier, any more manageable for her at all. But would she let him? Or could she only have peace if she knew Eren died by the hand of family, someone who loves him, and insist of bearing that fate herself again? ]
[ He has no way of knowing that. ]
...I know me saying it doesn't mean much, but I don't think he'd do that to Jean. Or Historia.
[ The others, sure. Eren didn't get to know Gabi; he just thinks of her as the brat who killed Sasha still. Hange... he had all but admitted aloud that knowing about their death wouldn't have changed anything for him. But Jean and Historia did matter, right? They had lived. Same as Armin and Mikasa, perhaps not quite as important, but important nonetheless. But, of course, he can not know how much their survival had been a plan or an accident. At least this would be different from them perishing as collateral somewhere; it would be a personal choice to Eren, one Levi wants to believe he would not make. ]
[ But what does he know, really? Didn't he use to think the same about him killing everyone on the planet? ]
[ Shit just keeps getting more complicated. ]
[ And then there's the whole keeping the future away from Jean and Mikasa thing again, and he frowns. ]
Do you think Reiner would tell them if he knew?
[ Maybe he needs to become the broken down shell of a man so he can build his own self back up better. Maybe that's exactly why he's so much more tolerable in the future, even if Levi isn't interested in ever having him over for tea. ]
[ But he can understand why Gabi doesn't like the idea. It would hurt him, it would hurt him a lot, and who could possibly want to see their loved ones suffer? ]
[ He hopes she can understand in return. ]
...their giant goddamn brain probably could make something of this, huh.
[ It's logical, it's the smart thing to do, but the apprehension is practically climbing up his throat. He tries to force it down, shakes his head, tries again. ]
You're probably onto something. I just--
[ He pinches the bridge of his nose, closes his eyes, exhales. ]
I didn't want them to have to be Commander again.
[ Not after letting themselves believe the struggle for mere survival was finally over. Not after his promise that they could simply live their lives out in this place. Not after he'd seen them come back to their excitable, curious self, that the weight of the Commander's mantle had crushed right out of them for years, not to mention it had been done by Levi's own hand, for better or worse, no matter how much they tell him it wasn't his fault. ]